Parker Inspirations

So many times, I find myself just floating through the day.  I am doing what I am supposed to do in my daily task and my day is uneventful. At the closing of the day, I realize that the things I want to do in my spiritual life were minimal compared to the rest of the day. I have a prayer journal to pray more for certain needs that are not in my normal prayer. Sometimes I find that I have not prayed for those needs the way I would like to. My hearts desire is to pray more for others needs and be less selfish. When I find myself dwelling on me and praying for my needs, I feel so selfish. I am not saying that I should not ask God for anything, I just do not want to dwell on me.

When I think of someone, I pray for them, and I try to let them know someone is praying for them. I want to be an encourager to others. It is a great feeling to help others. I love seeing someone’s day turned around because I took the time to not be selfish and think of them.

I find though that more days than I care to count, I have just gone through a day Mindless. I look back over the day and I can not even remember what I did through out the day. I feel as though I just existed through that day. I find myself praying and asking the Lord to help me to not just exist, but to accomplish something of value for him. I feel like a failure. Maybe I have too great of an expectation of what I am supposed to do, but I know that doing something of value for the Lord is never wrong.

I know the Lord is always there to hear my prayers. I know that my husband is always there to talk to. I just feel like the answer I am looking for is just out of reach. I feel like I am the only one that struggles with my emotions, my prayer life, my desires. I hate this deep feeling of just existing. I need help and I cannot explain in words. Even as I write this it feels like a bunch of jumbled up thinking and emotion.  

The answer is there and in God’s timing all will be revealed. (Psalms 46:10, “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”) I have a hard time being still. (Matthew 21:22, “And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.”) I believe the answer will come.